And If Not Now, When?

Carpe Diem – Seize the Day

Finally, this phrase means something to me.  Recently, I’ve been contemplating on changing my life’s path.  Four weeks to be exact.  In those weeks, I have pinpointed what makes me happy and what makes me crazy and borderline depressed. 

So why not change? I’m afraid of risking not being able to give Little Patch what he wants in the future.  It’s not following my dreams per se, but in order for me to be happy, there will be a  long term financial cost .  Not a loss that would put us out on the streets, but it would definitely set us back from pursuing our family goals.

I’ve always needed stability in order to feel… stable. And possibly secure.  But since having Little Patch, my priorities have changed.  Things that I thought were important, I don’t even have a mild passion for.  I just know what makes me unhappy and I’m constantly swimming in that pool of poo-poo-ness.

I just wish I have the strength to not freak out about the future and just go with the flow.  But I’m not that kind of person.

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Posted on May 17, 2011, in That's How Mo Sees It. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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